There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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