Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
