Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
