At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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