Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
