I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
