New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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