so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
