Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
