I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
