The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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