We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
