but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
