i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
