He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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