Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
