I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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