You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
