I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
