I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
