It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
