Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
