I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize