i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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