Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
