After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
