I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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