I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We named our party play list daddy issues
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize