haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
