I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
