a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
