Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Randomize
