That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
