my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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