I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
