omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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