If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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