So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
