Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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