Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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