Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you will always have a special place in my vag
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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