If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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