bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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