I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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