Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
