You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
