I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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