Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
