Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
