I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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