You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
