i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
