I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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