His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
