I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
