Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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