he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You made out with two different species that night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
