Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
