babies were throwing up all over the place
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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