These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.