I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
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More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.