Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
