Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
