someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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