I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
