I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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