The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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