I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
