so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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