maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
