I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
