funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize