Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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