sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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