I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
