You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
