I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
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quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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