If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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