2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
