Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
